Disagreements/Conflicts
I
recently experienced a disagreement with a co-worker, who happened to be a
close friend at work about taking orders and giving demands. Even though she’s much older than I am, she
expects me to stop doing my job and help her with her unfinished work. I know there are different ways to handle
conflicts, but when it comes down to not respecting each other, it’s considered
to be power dynamics. This is when one
person has power over another and handles the conflict unproductively (O’Hair
& Wiemann, 2012). On the job, the
discussion became so heated; our supervisor had to come in between us.
The
two strategies I have learned about what might help me manage or resolve the
conflict more productively is to analyze and focus on the source of this
disagreement. We need to center on a surroundings
on how we can express our concerns and be able to compromise, because if these
emotions continue there will always be debating issues.
I
always believe compromising is a good substitute to resolving disagreements in
your work environment. We all know that
everyone do not like to compromise about particular issues, which leads to an
argument, which leads to being written up.
One advantage of compromising is that it lets you and the other person
quickly resolves a conflict by agreeing on a decision-making method (O’Hair
& Wiemann, 2012)
Nonviolent
communication offers powerful skills for compassionate giving and
receiving. I would be able to apply these
principles during this disagreement to inform my co-workers of the consequences
we could tolerate. So in order to work
together, we must avoid the blame and try to improve the situation. Therefore, we must be able to increase our
communication skills and push our responsiveness towards what we are working
towards (Center for Nonviolent Communication, 2013).
Reference
O’Hair,
D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real Communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.
The Center for Nonviolent Communication.
(2013).The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org
Awesome post, Janet! First of all, I would like to say that I know how you feel. I have a co-worker, that actually taught me in Elementary school, which feels like I should stop doing what I am doing to do something for her. She has come into my classroom as I was working with my Pre-K students and asks me to come to her room to do something for her. Well, I would say that I am in the middle of class and she would say something like, “Oh, it will only take a minute.” Because I have such a passive nature, I have never gotten into an argument with her. This is a great example of the escapist strategy. “The escapist strategy is when people try to prevent or avoid direct conflict perhaps because they want to steer clear of confrontation because they may be afraid that a direct conflict would hurt the other person or the relationship” (O’Hair and Wiemann, 2009, p.236). This strategy could have been helpful to you in your situation, but it seemed like you were just fed up and you exploded. She clearly violated one of the 3 R’s and that is respect. She did not respect that what you had going on was just as important as what she needed you to do. I think if you had communicated this to her a long time ago using the characteristics of the Nonviolent Communication (NVC), such as “listening empathically to her needs and expressing yourself honestly” about your intentions in meeting her needs; it may have ended up better (The Center for Nonviolent Communication, 2013). Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteReferences
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.
The Center for Nonviolent Communication (2013). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/
Janet,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that focus in order to be objective is very important. Most times, absence of focus on source of disagreement help to compound the conflict. The application of the four components of Nonviolent Communication has been helpful in remaining focused, identifying hidden needs that are part of the process in managing conflict.
Janet, your story was great to read and sounds like it was a great learning experience. You must always remember that what we go through in life is made with a purpose. Keep your head up.
ReplyDeletePerhaps the idea of compassionate communication could help you to see a new perspective on the situation. I find that in the early childhood field in general, the constant barrage of attending to children's needs, coupled with the lack of human resources, can breed frustration and these occasional blow ups during work hours. Perhaps a mediator can get you two together to talk about some of these stressors, some ways that these stressors can be addressed, and some coded methods that you all can use to express these stressors in the future without the expression affecting your job performance. My old coworkers and I, for example, had a set of code words that we could refer to if we were feeling stressed, in distress, or just not in a good mood to talk. You could also ask your managerial staff to provide extra assistance in particularly stressful times. I find that making contingency plans in times of stress and need also help. Good luck and thank you for sharing.
ReplyDelete